Journal of Fractured Mind
by weesh
Summary: Austin was in a car accident. How he and his friends cope with the aftermath.
1. Journal of a Fractured Mind

**Disclaimer: I don't own Austin and Ally.**

**A/N: Hi guys, this idea woke me up the other night and had to be written. It all came together pretty fast and was basically complete from the start. I know the idea isn't totally original and I've read some other fics like this. Blame that and me recently starting the Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordan. If you haven't read his stuff yet, I recommend it. Anyway, I haven't abandoned Blindsided and will finish that shortly, but this kind of ambushed my brain. It's done and I'll post the next part very soon. Then I'll finish my big multi-chap. I promise! As always, I love to hear from you so please review!**

. . .

Journal of a Fractured Mind

Chapter 1

July 30th, 2017

My name is Austin Moon. I am 19 years old. I was in a car accident and should be dead. The doctors don't want me to think about that though. They want me to write down any memories I have. There aren't many. They say that some amnesia is to be expected, considering the extreme trauma I experienced. It _should_ be temporary. I hope. They gave me this journal because I stutter and talking is slow. They tell me it will get better. I get frustrated and so angry that I can't get my words out, but I can write, so this is where I am supposed to put my words, my thoughts, my memories.

It's a blank journal, a book bound in leather and filled with lined pages I am supposed to fill. The leather feels good in my hand and I think of red: a red leather jacket. I want one. Maybe I have one but it's at home and I can't go there yet. This feels strange, like this book isn't mine but should be someone else's. And its cover is too plain. In my head I see a book with my first initial on it, an A, but it's not mine. I'm not supposed to touch it or read it. I'm not supposed to find out that she likes me. I don't know what that means.

. . .

August 1st, 2017

I woke up four days ago. They told me I was in a coma for two and a half months. My body just hurts.

My mom was there when I opened my eyes. It hurt so much, the sunlight was too bright and my eyes watered. I didn't recognize my mom. It made her cry and later a man came and held her and watched me carefully. He's my dad. We've had some good talks since then. Well, he's talked to me. I've tried to talk, to ask questions, to try and figure out who I am. He tries to help, they both do, and I know they love me. I only have a few scattered images of them in my head, but I love them too. They are here every day and take turns at a store they own. But they always come to visit and I know I'm not alone.

I think I had a nice car. It was black and it was fast. But that's not how I got in an accident. I was at a light and when it turned green I entered the intersection. Then a drunk guy in a truck ran the light and t-boned my car. He hit the passenger's side and totaled me and the car. The doctor told me if he'd hit my side of the car I definitely wouldn't be here now.

It's weird to look in the mirror. I can't explain it, but I know I don't look like me right now. I'm skinny, like sickly skinny, my hair is limp and my eyes have dark circles around them and it's strange. The first time I took a shower (yesterday, which was tricky with a cast) I stopped to really look at myself for a minute. There is a scar all along the left side of my torso that looks new. I think they had to sew me back together or something. They won't tell me everything, but I was in bad shape and it's a miracle I survived. The stitches are gone but its still healing and tender. My muscle mass decreased while I was in the coma and I'm still weak and tired a lot. I'm starting physical therapy so I can get my strength back. I'm always hungry. I was really healthy and in great shape before the accident so the doctors are confident I can recover quickly. My grip strength is almost back to normal. One of my legs was broken in the accident and the bone has mostly healed but I have to rebuild that muscle after the cast comes off next week. They make so many promises. The only one they won't make is about my mind. They never promise that I will remember everything: that I will be me again. That scares the hell out of me.

Most of the time the doctors and nurses are pretty nice. There's a guy named Damon, a nurse, who works at night. He's funny and is pretty nice even when he has to wake me up to take my meds. He stops by my room last and we take turns throwing all the little plastic cups at the garbage bin across the room. I'm a better shot than he is. One of the female nurses acts like she has a crush on me. She's got nothing on the girl I dream about though.

My parents and grandparents are my only visitors so far. I am too weak, too fragile of mind still, so no one else can come. If anyone even wants to. I have no idea.

But I see _her_ all the time. I dream a lot because I sleep a lot. And she is always there, so real, so vivid. She sings to me in my dreams with the voice of an angel. I look forward to sleeping because I know I will see her. But then I wake up with the memory of touching her and I ache inside. I can feel her hand warm inside mine. I feel her tiny perfect body pressed against mine in a hug. I see her white smile and I know every version there is of it. Some things were fuzzy at first; her brown curly hair which sometimes looked lighter at the ends, sometimes not, has now solidified in my mind. Her beautiful brown eyes with a whirlwind of emotion: happy, sad, frustrated, angry, gentle, laughing, proud. I know all of her moods because they are so clearly reflected in those eyes. And she's always looking right at me.

I don't know if I made her up or remember her. Maybe she is an angel - I almost died after all. My psychiatrist doesn't want my parents to just tell me everything. He wants to see how much I remember on my own for a little while, push my brain to bring it back. They don't talk about other people: friends, girlfriends, anyone. But man, I hope she's real.

. . .

August 2nd, 2017

There is music in my head. I don't know how to write the notes down or if they mean anything, but I like music, that's clear enough. I could be stealing someone's song I heard on the radio for all I know. 'They wanna know know know your name name name. They want the girl girl girl with game game game. And when they look look look your way way way you're gonna make make make em do a double take.' It looks a little funny written down but it sounds great in my head. Really catchy.

Words run through my mind all the time. I don't know if they are mine or not. Maybe if I write them down I can claim them later. I can be some sort of musical prodigy that came out of a coma. That would be awesome! But I do like music. I turn it on all the time but they won't let me listen to the radio. Don't know why. My parents brought my cd's from home and I listen to the music I listened to before, I guess. But some of the songs in my head aren't on any of those. I hear the music clearly, I feel the beat inside like this music is part of me. It's different than the stuff I listen to. Here are some of the parts I remember:

'Summer in the sand he's a drummer in a band, dropping a beat. She's a dj on the boardwalk.'

'I love the things you do, it's how you do the things you love, but it's not a love song.'

'I know it's on when I can't stop myself from watchin' ya mo-o-o-ve. It's automatic gotta have it 'cause you got that boom da boom boom. When the lights come up it's hard to hold back so come on, let it flow. Can you feel it coming down. .. '

'I'm going home and I'm coming to you. Chasing the beat of my heart.'

'Whatever it is I got it, don't know what to call it, there's no way around it, yeah I got it too.'

'I heard you talkin like I lost my swagger. Said I was over you were wrong. I'm always improvin' always on the move and workin' on my flow, to take it to the studio.'

'Hey now, baby, no doubt about it girl you drive me crazy. I'm pleading guilty to the way you make me wanna steal your heart.'

I don't think in complete songs, just snippets. And sometimes in my head I hear me singing them, or I hear _her_ singing them. They are so connected I can't pull them apart, like the songs belong to her.

I see her all the time, in my dreams, both at night and during daytime naps. I told you I sleep a lot right now. I get tired easily. I hate that. Anyway, back to her: maybe she is an angel but she feels so real to me. She likes music too. I see her at a piano all the time. Sometimes I am with her, sitting close, feeling her warmth, our fingers touching as we play together, leaning in and kissing her lips softly. Sometimes I'm holding a guitar and I have to move it out of the way so I can get close to her, so I can hold her. We hug a lot. And she is so small I have to lean down to wrap my arms around her waist and rest my chin on her shoulder and despite her height she always throws her arms up around my neck and I love that. It would be so great if these were memories, if she was part of my life. If only she could come visit me.

There are a few other people in my head. Oh, I pray they are not _just_ in my head. There is a guy with red hair. His name starts with a D. D, d, d Dexter? That's a real name, right? His face is almost always partially blocked though. Is he holding a camera? He's lots of fun: I know that. But then with him all I see is a lineup of strange animals following him around. Camel. Kangaroo. Llama. I hope I'm not really losing it.

There are two other girls but they aren't like _her_. They both have dark hair and one has skin like milk chocolate. They are my friends. I can picture the shorter one standing beside Dexter in the room with the piano. The room where I always see my angel. They know her too and they care about us. And they argue a lot.

The other girl is on a stage singing. That's the other thing. Sometimes I dream I am on a stage in front of a billion people and I love it. They scream my name and I am happy. I can't see their faces though. They are just a sea of people who change every few seconds but somehow that doesn't bother me. I still feel connected to them and these are good dreams.

A few other faces appear in the background of my thoughts and dreams but they are hazy. A plump friendly older man who is always smiling. Instruments float all around him. A plump young man with glasses who is not smiling, who fights with Dexter. A brunette threatening me with flowers. A dark haired woman who is cackling at me and stealing my pancakes or my guitar. She is followed around by some cats. Cheerleaders. A man in really cool suits and shades who shakes my hand and bosses me around a little but I don't mind. Very few names come to mind. So far Dexter and my parents are it. The girl I like, my dream girl, doesn't have a name but I constantly see her next to the letter A. It's big and yellow which is my favorite color and it's often floating in the air around us. Weird. The dark haired girl with Dexter is usually speaking Spanish when I dream, but I don't know Spanish so I don't understand a word she says. But she makes me laugh and I care for her like a sister. Dexter is like my brother, but I know he isn't really. We are just that good of friends. I wish they would come visit me so I can know for sure if they are real, if these are memories or something I just made up.

I'm still young but school feels like a distant thing. I remember some things: books I've read, dreading math homework and tests, lunch. I must have graduated last year or something, but I feel like school wasn't that big a deal to me. I had a lot of other things on my mind at the time. Like basketball? But then, no. argh! I can't get a handle on it.

My leg itches in this stupid cast. I can't wait to get it off!

. . .

August 5th, 2017

My parents are becoming more familiar to me and some memories are coming back. Only, I have this really strange image of them in my mind standing in a sea of beds. Crap. I hope this isn't some weird Fruedian thing, cuz I really don't want to think about them in bed together. The only person I think of that way. . .

So my parents are really nice. Mom is calming down and doesn't look like she's going to break every time she sees me. Dad just cheers me on and is really supportive. But, I think I've heard him arguing with the doctors a few times. I asked him about it and he's trying to get my friends in to see me but the psychiatrist is still against it. He thinks my brain won't heal and function on it's own. Blah blah blah.

I finally got the cast off so I can start physical therapy on my broken leg and my speech has improved a little. Yesterday I was humming and sang a few lines to my mom. It was actually easier than trying to just talk normally. Then she started to cry for a different reason than usual and she hugged me tight. It felt familiar and good.

I like singing and I think I remember being good at it. Maybe that explains all my dreams about being on stage. I don't know if it's a goal of mine or if I really have sung for a stadium full of people though. Man, I wish my memories would come back faster. My mind feels so hazy. But I try to talk through things I remember with my parents. Most things they do assure me are true, real memories so that's good. I just wish I had more of them.

. . .

August 6th, 2017

My psychiatrist wants me to finish what I was going to write yesterday. The part about beds and someone. Yeah, he reads this journal. I would complain but it's easier than trying to talk to him so. . .

Two days ago I was kind of pissed off when Damon woke me up to take my medications. I hadn't realized I was only dreaming until he came in with the stupid little plastic cup of colorful pills. Fine. The shrink is staring at me: he thinks this will be a helpful exercise. I just hope he's as understanding as Damon was if thinking about this affects more than just my brain.

I woke up in bed next to _her_. She was lying on her stomach bathed in early morning light, her beautiful brown hair a mess of curls all over the pillow. She wore a black lace nighty that barely covered the curves of her perfect body. The color contrasted with her creamy skin so nicely and I reached out and ran my hand down her back and over the curve of her bottom. She made a contended sound but didn't wake up. I got out of bed and pulled on my boxers which we left on the floor the night before. I had a gold ring on my left hand. Then I left our room and went to the kitchen where I moved some dishes from the sink into the dishwasher and then I made some pancakes. She came out of the room, still in her nighty, and gave me a quick kiss as we sat down to eat. We talked. We were happy, newlyweds. When we finished she got up and climbed onto my lap so she was straddling me and I kissed her, sliding my hands up her smooth legs and around her nice bottom. The kiss deepened and her hands were all over my bare chest and in my hair. I was just thinking that my wife is so sexy when I was woken up.

That's it. Just a freaking dream! But it seemed so real at the time. (I hope you enjoy reading this doc. And don't you dare fantasize about my girl! That's my job apparently.)

This does bring up a disturbing question though: if I am married, why haven't they let her come visit me? I see two options and both make me feel sick to my stomach. 1. I imagined the whole thing. I really don't want that to be true. Or 2. She died in the crash.

. . .

August 10th, 2017

I haven't written in here for four days and the doctors are giving me a hard time about it. I can't even look at the last thing I wrote, that's why I left two blank pages between. It kind of put me into a funk and the doctors are talking depression and how that won't help me recover. I'd been doing so well until that moment. Mom got upset. I can't stand that. The shrink tells me there are more options for my dream girl but I won't talk to him about it. I said to let her come see me or leave me alone about it. He's leaving me alone and now I feel worse.

So I'm writing again, under duress. My speech hasn't improved and I haven't been working on it like I should. Then this morning, after a nice long lecture by my shrink, I sang to my mom some more and that seemed to help us both. The only problem is that the song was inspired by _her_. And I still don't know if she is real or not.

'I think about you every morning when I open my eyes. I think about you every evening when I turn out the lights. I think about you every moment every day of my life. You're on my mind all the time, it's true.'

And now I'm crying. This sucks. I'm pretty sure that I, Austin Moon, do not make a habit of crying. Being in the hospital sucks. Having huge chunks of my life missing sucks. Not knowing if I am crazy or will ever be whole again sucks. Not seeing _her_ sucks.

And oddly enough it feels slightly familiar. Like, I've been separated from her before and I hated it. And then I get this weird thought about hugging a security guard who I thought was her. That makes no sense. I'm losing it and now this journal is only making me know it for sure. I can't do this.

. . .

August 11th, 2017

Physical therapists are cruel. Okay, they aren't really, but my leg hurts so much. I just want to be able to walk again and get out of this place!

I am improving again though since I started working on stuff again yesterday. I can now hold short conversations with only a little stuttering. Singing is still the easiest thing for me. My mom finally brought my guitar into the hospital room because I begged her to and the second I touched it I felt better. It was normal and right and music flowed from my fingers like I'd been born to do this. Maybe I was. Maybe that's why I dream of being on stage. I see myself on stage with my guitar or dancing while I sing. There are other dancers too and the crowd is always singing along and reaching for me. I reach for them too but I can't touch them.

If I did sing and dance, it would explain why I keep planning out dances to the songs I listen to and hear in my head. Not that I can imagine dancing right now. My leg barely holds my weight and walking is just a goal. I've been awake for twelve days now and every morning when I wake up I feel like I just barely got run over by a truck. My psychiatrist tried some hypnotherapy on me this morning and I started to remember the crash. That was fun. (man, I wish sarcasm came through better on paper). I remembered my car. It was a sweet ride, and fast, and now it's flattened. I remember that I was driving home from work or something when it happened. I was happy. I had plans that night with Dexter.

There is a new nurse who looks at me funny. She's young and blonde and awkward. She stands there and just watches me sometimes which is a little creepy. She tries to find reasons to touch me, put her hand on mine or something, and then she looks like she's going to faint or cry. Damon caught her listening outside my door when I was singing earlier. It's strange. Yesterday she got chewed out for taking a picture of me on her phone. I really don't get why she'd want a picture of me. I mean, I look healthier now because they let me eat whenever I'm hungry, my black eyes are gone, mom even trimmed my hair the other day and it's looking better. But a half broken guy in an old t shirt and pajama pants who can't walk? I'm not exactly the sexiest guy alive right now.

And as always: she's not the girl I want.

My parents read this journal with the psychiatrist this afternoon. Great. That's not embarrassing at all. Only now mom is looking at me like she has to tell me my dog died. Crap. Did I have a dog? I don't think so. Dad is arguing with the doctors again. They are outside my door but I can still hear it. I look to the door and catch a glimpse of red hair. It makes me think of Dexter. Why can't I see him? It would be nice to have someone else to talk to. My parents are great and the nurses have been friendly and all, but I miss having friends.

I just heard a snippet of Spanish and saw dark curly hair. No way. This can't be a coincidence. I was about to get out of bed but mom stopped me. So I'm writing in this journal, or pretending to anyway, so I can listen. The fight outside has been going on for a few minutes. If mom weren't here I would go out there and see for myself.

. . .

August 12, 2017

I asked mom about the girl. I've been avoiding talking about her out loud or asking because I don't want to lose the dream. If she wasn't real, I didn't want to know because that would shatter me.

She is real, and she's alive, but we aren't married. Her name is Ally. That sounds right. When mom said her name my brain supplied the rest and a little more. Dawson. Her full name is Ally Dawson. She likes pickles. She has a book like this and I can't touch it.

The only thing mom would tell me is that we are good friends and I've known her for years, but I need to remember the rest on my own and all that stuff. Curse my psychiatrist and all his rules! Then, since mom has read this journal, she told me that my 'special dream' wasn't that unusual and she had thoughts like that about dad when they were engaged, and. . . I really did not want to hear all that from my mom.

But at least now I know she is real.

Ally. Ally Dawson. Ally Moon.

No. I shouldn't do that. Man it looks good though: her name with mine. Crap. What if we are just friends and she doesn't want anything more with me? But then what about all my thoughts about kissing her? Did I make that up too? I swear I know how her lips feel against mine. And it can't be an accident that I dreamed we were married. Gah! I'm going to drive myself crazy. I don't care how: I just want to see her.

. . .

August 14th, 2017

I get to go home tomorrow and I can't wait! I still have to come back for physical therapy every other day, and there are exercises I have to do on my own, but at least I get to be in my own room, in my own bed, surrounded by own stuff again. If that doesn't help with the missing chunks in my memories than I don't know what will. I just want to get back to normal as quickly as I can. Sure, I'll be on crutches. Okay, so I have some scars now and I still have some weight to gain, but that will come.

I want to see Dez and Trish and Ally. Yeah, my best friend's name isn't Dexter, it's Dez. I remembered his real name this morning when Damon came into my room wanting to use his phone during his shift and not get in trouble. He showed me a funny video online of a kangaroo and it suddenly hit me. I remembered the kangaroo that Dez hooked a video camera up to and it got loose in the mall. The four of us laughed so hard. I looked it up and showed it to Damon. Then he took his phone back before I could check out a video Dez posted of me. What was that about?

That moment opened a lot of things for me and I started remembering more crazy moments with Dez. The only one I can't make sense of yet involves a giant crab. I'm not sure how that can be real, but for some reason I'm positive I saw one at the beach. And I saved a girl from it and from the beach umbrellas. Yeah, I'm not making much sense now, but I really did have a break through with my memories!

And I also remembered more about Ally and I being friends. It's still jumbled, but there are a millions moments with her in a music store and that piano room. We sing together, we goof off and hang out and she likes dumb jokes. I think she may have a boyfriend or something too because I remember her crushing on a guy with brown hair. Maybe that's the problem: I like her but she's with someone else. I hope not, but I'm trying to prepare myself. I don't know exactly what I'm going to find when I go home.

I just know I want to see my friends.

I had a good final session with my psychiatrist after writing that first part. I'm getting better at focusing, concentrating on people and remembering things. He helped me remember my Mom's favorite movie and how she likes to wear clothes that match dad's because it makes her feel more connected to him and she's proud that no matter where they go or what they do people can tell that they belong together.

On my own after that I meditated after dinner and I thought more about Ally. She's kind of my favorite subject. She loves cloud watching and reading and all sorts of dorky things. We are pretty different from each other but it's one of the things I love most because she surprises me and makes me laugh. Not that I used to laugh at her, just laugh because she's so cute. I've liked her for a long time but I didn't always love her romantically like I do now. We've tried to date several times over the last few years but we are careful not to ruin our friendship. We don't tell each other 'I love you' out loud but I'm going to change that. I almost died. I almost lost everything and I'm going to make sure she knows how I feel when I see her again. No more hesitating or wasting time.

. . .

August 15th, 2017

It's been a long day and I am tired, but I'm getting used to this journal thing and I have some things to sort out.

When I left the hospital this morning Dez was waiting outside. It turns out that he's been trying to visit me ever since I woke up but my doctors wouldn't allow it. Something about him being banned because of an incident a few weeks ago. . . I don't know. My dad kept pushing for my friends to visit and the doctors wouldn't give in. So he was waiting outside for us and rode home in the back seat with me because he took the bus to the hospital. He talked non-stop almost the whole drive home and it was good to see him and he was so funny he made me forget about my pain and worries for a while.

He confirmed that I did hear him and Trish outside my room the other day, trying to get in to see me. Trish was really upset because she's been out of town with family and was only here for a few days so it was her only chance to see me and we missed it. The two of them and Ally did come to sit with me all the time when I was still in the coma, but of course I had no way to know that.

When we got to my house it was such a relief to me that it looked familiar. Each step inside brought back more and more to my mind. Memories flooded through me and when I finally collapsed on my bed I could have cried for joy. Dez stuck around and talked to me more while my mom made lunch before Dad had to go to the Mattress store. At least now I knew there was a good reason I pictured my parents with a whole bunch of beds: they sell them.

Dez was way better than my parents too because he didn't feel like he had to obey the psychiatrist. With just a few questions from me, he told me all sorts of things about us and our friends and it opened more and more doors inside my head. A few hours with Dez was better than all the therapy I could ever have because we've been friends our whole lives.

The disappointing part is that I won't get to see Ally for a while. After my accident she came to see me almost every day and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy that she was worried about me. It means she does care for me. Anyway, when she visited she would sing to me, which helps partly explain why her voice was so clear in my dreams, along with our history of singing together all the time.

Both she and I are famous singers, so I _have_ sung for stadiums full of fans. And that's exactly what she is doing right now. Her European tour was scheduled long before my accident, and she tried to cancel and get out of some of the shows but her label didn't like the idea and she was concerned about upsetting her fans. I get that. Her tour started in New York three days before I woke up. Dez said she really didn't want to leave me, but she had to. And I'm not mad. She had no idea if I would wake up or not. Dez isn't afraid to tell me how hopeless it felt to everyone for a while there. My parents won't talk about that, trying to keep everything upbeat and happy and about my recovery, but I know it was hard. If I had to watch someone I cared about go through this it would suck.

Right now Ally is in Germany. She has a show tonight, or last night I guess since there is a huge time difference. Trish is there with her so at least they are together and I am here with Dez. He texted them both to let them know I am home now. Mom brought lunch up to my room which was good because I wasn't ready to face the stairs again yet. Those are still killer on my leg but I was okay with just sitting on my bed talking to Dez for the rest of the day. He showed me some of my music videos including a new one he was working on when my body and car got crushed in that accident.

My music career went on hold the day of the accident. I had just left the studio and was driving home when it happened. I started recording a new track that day and was halfway done with my third record. Jimmy Star, my producer (suits and shades), stopped everything. They completed the tracks I finished and put a hold on the song I was working on. This included Dez and the music video we shot for my new single. It was supposed to be released a few weeks ago, but that schedule went out the window.

I'm guessing my parents told Jimmy I'm awake, but I will have to check on that and talk to him soon. I want to get back to work. I may not be able to dance or do a live show for a while yet, but I can still sing. I can get back in the recording studio and finish my album.

Dez stuck around until dinner and then he went home after helping me get downstairs. I knew I would be spending a lot of time stuck in my room for the next while, so I should get around a bit. Dad came home to eat with us and helped me back up to my room before bed. I felt kind of pathetic going to bed at 9pm, but my body just isn't up to staying up late right now and I didn't rest much during the day like I did at the hospital.

Just after I laid down to sleep my phone rang on my bedside table. Yes, I finally got my phone back! I was glad it was within arm's reach because I'm not going anywhere fast these days. A quick glance at my phone showed a picture of Trish wearing her pirate costume from a job she had years ago. I still love that shot. She screamed when I answered the phone and I had to hold it away from my ear for a second so my hearing wouldn't be permanently damaged too. She was excited. She told me Dez called her and then she started asking a hundred questions and I tried to answer but it wasn't easy. I got out that I was home and it was good to hear her. Then I heard something in the background and she said something that was muffled and the phone was handed off.

Then I heard the one voice that makes my world complete. Ally got on the line and it sounded like she was crying. She apologized for not being here to see me. I tried to tell her it was okay but my words failed me. I stuttered a bit and she cried harder. My broken leg is less painful than hearing her cry. Then I thought of something and sang a line from a Tarzan song. (I watched a lot of movies I the hospital too.) "please stop your crying, it will be alright." It did the trick and she stopped crying with a little hiccup. She sang the next line to me and we did that for a minute, taking turns softly singing to each other. She told me she missed me and so help me a tear fell down my cheek. She promised to call as often as she can and told me she will be home in a month. Then she promised that she would come straight to see me the moment she was off the plane, before she even went home.

And that's when I knew. Ally is going to be mine. I'll do anything I can to make sure of it, to make sure she knows that I love her once she gets home.

. . .

**So? What do you think? I have two more chapters. Let me know if you want to read them.**


	2. Love Song for the Broken Hearted

**Disclaimer: I swear I don't own Austin and Ally.**

**A/N: Thanks for the great response everyone! You amaze me! Here is chapter 2: get ready for Ally's perspective. There is some overlap between her experience and Austin's from chapter 1 so the dates matter. Hope it doesn't cause any confusion.**

Journal from a Fractured Mind

Chapter 2: Love Song for the Broken Hearted

Ally

April 20th, 2017

No. No no no NO NO!

Austin is in a coma. He's in the hospital, broken and hooked up to machines and he won't wake up. This has to be a nightmare but I can't wake up either. 48 hours ago we were sitting at the piano in my practice room above Sonic Boom writing a new song together and now he's. . .

His car was totaled. I saw it and I wish I could forget. It was unrecognizable and so is he. They operated on him for hours and had to restart his heart.

He is black and blue and covered in casts and bandages and his eyes won't open and his hand felt cold when I held it. I feel like I am dying. How could this happen to him? I don't know how to deal with this.

. . .

May 20th, 2017

It's been a month since the accident. I visit Austin all the time and now the nurses know me by sight. They even know the times I usually come by and they have my visitor pass ready and waiting. I don't know if that is sweet or depressing. It's depressing because he's still sleeping and I'm here and I don't want to function without him. I know, melodramatic, right? But it's true. He's been part of my life, every day, for the last four years. Even when he went on his first tour we talked every day until I joined him.

Trish and Dez visit him all the time too. Sometimes we go together, sometimes on our own depending on our schedules. Austin's parents are there all the time too. They take turns between sitting with him and running their store. They look so tired and I can't imagine how hard it is to see your only child like this. Usually when I show up his mom Mimi will leave to get something to eat or just do something else for an hour or two. I don't think either of us likes the idea of him waking up alone. Oh I hope he wakes up soon.

Now when I see him I do all the talking. Sure, I've always been a talker but it isn't the same. He doesn't tease me or roll his eyes or just hug me to get me to shut up. And I would take anything right now, believe me, and I have to admit that I miss his touch. I hold his hand but it's not the same. I want his arms around me and heaven help me, I want one of his kisses.

It's been a while. We flirt all the time and we've had moments of trying to date over the years but the second it shows signs of messing up our friendship we slow down. The last time was just after his most recent tour ended four months ago. I was only able to travel with him for the first half of it. We wrote songs and spent time together until I had to get back in the studio and do some final touches to my record. I'm supposed to go on tour in June to promote it and right now I don't see how I can. I don't feel the music. I don't feel it without him.

When he got home from that tour he came straight to Sonic Boom before he even went home. He walked into the store while I was working and without a word came straight up to me and kissed me. It felt so good. It was 'hello' and 'I missed you' and 'I want you' all rolled into one. He could have asked for anything after that and I would have agreed. Anything to get him to keep kissing me like that.

And now. . .

. . .

May 26th, 2017

I shouldn't have let myself write that last part. I shouldn't think about Austin like that right now. He's fighting for his life and I'm what? lustful? pathetic? A complete and utterly unworthy friend? All of the above.

I just miss him and I'm so scared. I'm scared he won't wake up and open those gorgeous brown eyes again. I'm scared he'll never hold me and make the world right. I'm afraid that I've already lost my best friend and the one man I can't live without.

I don't know what to do. The press are after me all the time, but the scariest part is that they aren't asking about Austin anymore. Like, he's not in the spotlight so they've forgotten him and it kills me to think that anyone could forget him. He's so bright and fun and makes everything around him better. He inspires me and as cliche as it is, he completes me and makes everything real.

He's the one I'm supposed to grow old with.

. . .

June 12th, 2017

My record is done. I don't know how. I haven't been that much help, but thankfully Ronnie and his team cobbled one together. My vocals lately haven't been the best. I've been wearing my voice out singing to Austin when I visit him. He's the only reason I can sing and he's the only one I want to sing to.

Life is continuing on like before and it feels wrong. It feels like a betrayal for the world to spin when he is so still. Trish and Dez complain that I'm too depressed and I've given up hope. I don't think I have but it gets harder every day. Every day that Austin doesn't move breaks my heart a little more. I've read the studies, I know the odds. The longer he sleeps the harder it will be for him to wake and that terrifies me.

I want to stop too, but I have a contract. I have obligations and a schedule to keep so I keep going but I don't feel it right now. I don't feel joy in my music without him there cheering me on.

Why can't I lay down next to him and just stop until he wakes up? Why can't I take his place and let him live and shine and be on stage? It's what he loves, what he was born to do, and he should be the one singing while I sleep because I was so boring until I met him.

. . .

July 24th, 2017

My tour kicks off tonight in New York City. Here I am in this amazing place and I haven't left my hotel room. I should explore, see the sights, do something fun in the hours I have left before the show. It's what Austin would want me to do.

I said goodbye to him yesterday morning before catching my flight up here. Some of his bruises have disappeared and the nurses told me he is slowly healing. Maybe they are right, but he looked thin and fragile to me. Austin was never anything close to fragile or breakable before.

I took his large hand in mine and at least it wasn't cold. The callouses on his fingers from playing guitar are healing. His hands have never been that soft and that made my cry. I didn't mean to. I wanted to be brave for him, to say goodbye with strength and dignity, to be the girl he helped me become. But I couldn't. I failed him at the last because I am afraid that I won't see him again. There, I admitted it.

I cleaned up my face though and I kissed his lips one more time and I walked out of his room. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Tonight I will do another hard thing. I will paste a smile on my face and put on a show and not let anyone see my hurt anymore. I can't be the grieving girlfriend now. The would-be girlfriend. But then, labels never were our thing.

The one label I want is out of my reach now: Mrs. And if he doesn't wake up I don't think I'll ever have that label. Not with someone else. I couldn't.

. . .

August 2nd, 2017

When I finished my show in Paris last night a text was waiting for me from Mimi Moon. It took me a full ten minutes to convince myself to open it. The message was only three words: "Austin is awake".

The drummer from my band caught me when I fainted. I woke up to paramedics surrounding me and I was ordered to my room and bed rest until we leave France tomorrow.

. . .

August 5th, 2017

I've been talking to Trish on the phone a lot the past few days. Neither she nor Dez have been allowed to see Austin yet but they've talked to his parents. He is weak and speaking is a struggle. He also has amnesia. I texted Mimi and she told me she is with him a lot. He's okay but he's not himself yet. He doesn't remember much but a team of doctors are working with him.

I'm afraid to let myself hope. And I'm angry that I can't go home right now and see him.

The amnesia thing scares me. What if he doesn't remember me? Will he still be the Austin I know? Will we have to start over? Would he fall in love with me again? Will he believe me if I tell him I love him?

. . .

August 16th, 2017

I'm in Germany. Trish has joined me on tour and that's been a relief. She wasn't able to see Austin before she left although she tried. She and Dez basically broke into the hospital and made it up to the hallway outside his room before they were caught. Mike Moon tried to get them in too but they weren't allowed. I don't know how, but if I'd been there I would have found a way in, screw the doctors. Oh yes, I said it. That's how serious I am. This is Austin we are talking about.

Like a fangirl I've been following any news that leaks about Austin back home. A few days after I found out he was awake it got around to the press. "Austin Moon awake", then "rumors of amnesia plague pop star", and "secrecy surrounding recovery of Austin Moon: what are they hiding?" I also found a photo of him that's been circulating but keeps getting pulled from sites. It's Austin in a t-shirt and sweat pants and it looks like it's in his hospital room. He's skinny and pale, which is really strange to see, but it's him.

Every so often I text Mimi but she doesn't give me much information either. Just quick updates about his cast coming off, or the infuriatingly vague 'he's making progress!'

Today Dez texted to tell us Austin is home. I didn't get it until I woke up this morning and I screamed and woke Trish up and we called Austin right then. But I panicked and tossed the phone to her. What if it's not true? What if he doesn't remember me? It was just too much. So she talked and squealed and I faintly heard a familiar voice. I couldn't believe it, I was so scared to let myself believe, but then Trish handed me the phone and I was talking to him. He sounded different. He's still having a hard time talking. And I cried. I'm ashamed but I blubbered at him and then, just like he always does, Austin sang to me and made the world right. It was his voice, the one voice I hear in my dreams, the voice I love. And he knows me. He misses me as much as I miss him.

For the first time in 5 months, I know that everything is going to be okay.

. . .

September 16th, 2017

The flight home was endless and nothing could move fast enough for me. I've been texting Austin often over the last month. He's given me updates on his recovery so I know that he is stronger, walking is getting easier, and his mom makes him pancakes every day for breakfast.

He let Megan Sims from Cheetah Beat interview him a few days ago, his first interview since the accident. His speech has improved and he hardly stutters anymore. He told me his trick is to pause after being asked something and it looks like he's contemplating the answer but he's calming himself down. Then he speaks slowly and everything comes out okay. If he is excited or nervous and tries to rush an answer, that's when he stutters. We haven't talked on the phone since that first day because of the time difference between where I am and where he is and I am dying to hear his voice again.

There was some press at the airport but I blew right past them, ignoring their questions about my tour and my relationship with Austin. I didn't want to _talk_ about my relationship. I wanted to go make one. Trish distracted them and I ran for the pickup area. She offered to wait for our bags and bring mine home for me. She's the best! Dez was waiting in his car at the passenger pickup area as planned and the second I was in my seat we were off. He told me Austin was at home, which wasn't surprising because he hasn't left home much since he was released from the hospital. It's not like him but I know he still doesn't feel like himself and he's nervous about going out. We just need to build his confidence again.

The closer we got to Austin's house, the more nervous I felt. I love him, and I've missed him, but I also know that when he first woke up he didn't know who I was. Dez told me the other day that for about a week Austin thought he dreamed me up because his memories came back like dreams. But his texts with me this past month have been pretty normal and he sounds more like himself. So I breathed deep and got myself ready.

Dez dropped me off at the house and when I rang the doorbell Mimi answered. She gave me a huge hug and then pointed me back to the family room. Austin was sitting on the couch and he stood up when he saw me. Dez didn't warn him I was coming directly here, but he knew I was on my way home today. He took an unsteady step toward me and held onto the couch to catch his balance. We stared at each other for a second and then I ran to him. He opened his arms and welcomed me with a hug. My arms went too far around him, he is still a little skinny, but I held on for dear life and lay my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Tears sprang to my eyes and I pulled back to look up at him. Those eyes. I couldn't help myself, and put my hand on his cheek, touching him, feeling him there as I stared into his eyes. He seemed to lean forward the tiniest bit and I took advantage of it. I raised up on my toes and kissed him. He made a surprised sound but quickly began kissing me in return. His hands grasped at my waist and his body pressed against mine as we lost ourselves. It was rougher than any kiss we've shared before: full of need and want and missing each other. It was perfect. I stepped back slightly to compensate for his enthusiasm as he kissed me and he stumbled forward with me. We almost fell over but my back met the wall and we stabilized. His warm hands slipped under the bottom of my shirt so he was touching the skin of my lower back and I was on fire. My hands gripped the fabric of his shirt and his mouth left mine as he trailed kisses down my neck.

That's when his mom spoke up. Yeah. We had an audience. She told us to break it up and Austin stopped kissing my neck but pulled me flush against him in a hug, his face still close to my neck so I could feel his ragged breath on my skin. Our hearts were pounding in unison and if it weren't for the wall and his body plastered against mine I don't think I could have stood up on my own. Mimi shook her head and said we should at least say hello and then asked that we not try to make any babies while she went upstairs to get something for a minute. I turned bright red when she said that.

Austin chuckled and shook his head against my shoulder. He left one more kiss on my neck before lifting his head to look at me again. He said hi and smiled at me. My heart might have stopped for a second. But then I said hi in return just before he kissed me again. This time he was gentle but my legs were still left feeling like jelly beneath me.

He told me he missed me. I told him that it was so good to see him again. We didn't move until Mimi returned and luckily by then I could walk, but only just slightly more steadily than Austin could. He held my hand and led me over to the couch so we could sit. He didn't let go of my hand for a long time.

Mimi offered us cookies and hovered for a minute until Austin asked her if we could have a little time to talk. He had to promise that we would actually be talking before she left the room, but not without giving us a few serious looks on her way. I was mortified. What kind of person does Mimi think I am? We've never gone that far and my first time is not going to be on the couch in her family room thank you very much.

Austin saw my face and laughed. Then he assured me that his mom's comments were directed at him, and not me. He's the guy after all and they are the trouble makers. Then I reminded him that I was happily causing 'trouble' myself just a minute ago. That just made him smile bigger.

After that we had a good conversation. It was pretty serious for us, considering our past, but good too. He told me more about how his memories of me came back like dreams to him and he's still a little unsure about a few of them. But when I pressed him he didn't want to give details. He just said he wanted to figure it out on his own. Then he told me that even before he knew who I was, I was a lifeline for him, someone who made him feel less alone and confused. He thought of me as an angel.

I was so touched by that. So I opened up and I told him all my feelings after I found out about the accident and seeing him in the hospital. For once I didn't really hold much back. I told him how scared I was, how nothing felt right without him being part of my life, how I didn't want to picture a future without him in my life. I may have left out one specific detail, of hoping we will get married someday, but I didn't feel bad about that. No need to scare a guy who has just gone through a life and death ordeal.

During my confession Austin held my hand tight and he seemed to just get happier. Then he said there is no reason for us to waste any more time apart and he asked if I'd finally be his girlfriend and go out with him on Saturday. I immediately agreed and he cheered for a second before leaning in to kiss me. I could definitely get used to this.

So it's taken us four and a half years of friendship and false starts to get here, but we finally made it. We are an actual dating couple now. Thank goodness!

. . .

**There you go my friends. I hope you like it! Please review and let me know!**

**Hey, for those of you noticing these being loaded again: I made a mistake with the dates. Thanks so very much to Mystik225 for catching my mistake so I could fix it! I owe you one! So, just the dates of the journal entries have been changed to correct my brain skipping July. What the heck? I have no idea, but it's fixed now.**


	3. Here Comes Forever

Journal from a fractured MInd

Chapter 3: Here Comes Forever

Austin

November 3rd, 2017

Ally and I have been dating for over a month now and I couldn't be happier. I love being around her anyway, but adding on the dates and that I can hold her and kiss her anytime I want has been amazing. I love her so much. Our parents are pretty happy that we are finally dating. All of them claim that they knew this would happen one day, that it was clear Ally and I are meant to be together. I don't mind that at all because I agree with them. When we told Dez we were a couple I thought the guy was going to die of happiness. He's been rooting for us since high school. Trish has been really supportive too, but she pulled me aside and warned me that if I ever break Ally's heart she will break me. I take that seriously because I've seen Trish in a bad mood, but it's not going to happen. Nothing short of death will take me out of Ally's life now.

I have a few projects going. First off, I have now determined which of my dreams were memories and which were fantasies. Anything that went further than a simple kiss between Ally and I was definitely fantasy, but I'm still pretty fond of them so I'm not going to forget them anytime soon. And no, I'm not writing the others down in here either. Hopefully I'll make them reality soon. But that's a project for another day.

Second, is the physical therapy. I am almost back to the same weight and muscle mass I had before the accident which is awesome. My energy is up, my leg is almost completely normal, and I am starting to dance again.

Third, I've been working with Jimmy Star again, finishing up the record we were working on before the accident. I'm not ready for any live shows yet, so that is still on hold, but I am working on music which is great. And I have a little troop of paparazzi following me around just like before. Some of them were there for the accident back in March and released some pretty graphic photos of the crash. I try to avoid seeing that stuff if I can. I don't want to live in the past. I'm all about Ally and the future. Ally is supposed to be writing herself some new songs but that's been slow going. She's been focused on helping me, even though I've told her to write herself some new stuff but she says she's not inspired right now and only wants to write for me. I'll have to keep working on that.

Fourth, I've been looking at houses to buy. My parents are great and the house I grew up in has been a good place to crash between tours and things, but it's not _my _house_. _ I turned 20 two weeks ago and it's time for me to be on my own. The crazy part? I found the house yesterday. And I mean, _the house_. When I walked into the kitchen there was something familiar about it. Then I saw the master bedroom and the way the light came in the windows and I knew. It's the house from the dream I wrote down. The one where I was married to Ally. I'm taking Ally to see it tonight and if she likes it I'm going to make an offer on it.

. . .

November 20th, 2017

I bought the house. I closed on it this morning and I'm going to move in this weekend. My mom loves the house and wants to decorate it for me. I might let her do a little, like help me hang some pictures and stuff, but there's another woman's touch that I want there. Ally's. She fell in love with the house that first time I took her to see it and it just felt so right to watch her walk around that space. I can see us living here. It has several bedrooms and when I watched Ally there I could almost picture a few kids running around it with her. I know I'm whipped, but I also know that she is it for me and sharing my life with her is going to be the most amazing thing I will ever do.

I've been doing a carpe diem kind of thing. I don't want to waste time or miss out on anything. Life if precious. So last week I went skydiving because I've always wanted to do that. It was awesome! Dez jumped with me. Next time I'll get Ally to come too. Don't know how, but I will.

Then on the weekend I took Ally swimming with Dolphins because it's been a dream of hers. It was pretty cool. And seeing her in the skin tight wetsuit wasn't too bad either! Afterward when we were back on the beach I unzipped my wetsuit and pulled down the top, leaving it hanging down around my waist so my chest was bare and I could soak up some sun. I wasn't even thinking. At first when I caught Ally staring I felt good, happy that she was checking me out too, but then I saw tears forming in her eyes. And I remembered that she hadn't seen my scar yet: the one that runs down the entire left side of my torso from the bottom of my shoulder blade and curves down to my hip. It has healed and faded a little, but it's still clearly there. I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer so I could get her to look in my eyes again. That was tough too because of the pain in them but I had to fix it, to make her feel better. Then she surprised me. She kissed my lips softly and admitted that sometimes she forgets what happened to me because I'm so full of life just like I used to be before the accident. Then she stepped back again and looked at my body calculatingly. She bit her lower lip and ran her fingers lightly down my scar which gave me chills and made me shiver. We laughed together at that and she ran her hands along my chest before slipping her arms around my waist and hugging me tight like she was afraid I would disappear. Eventually we changed back into our regular clothes and I took her home where she turned on a movie and we just held each other and cuddled the rest of the day.

Ally's dad is kind of freaking out that I bought a house and am going to be living alone. With no parental supervision. And his daughter is dating me and will be going there with me. Alone. I shouldn't think it's funny but I do. Mostly because I know about a trip I made to a jewelry store recently and he doesn't. And seriously, doesn't he know Ally at all? She's all about traditional stuff and waiting for marriage and I'm okay with that because I hope to fulfill that requirement as quickly as possible. Like I said: there's no reason to waste time when life can be taken from you so easily. I love Ally. I want to be with her, share everything with her, spend my life with her no matter how long or short it might be.

. . .

December 5th, 2017

We're engaged. I popped the question last night and Ally said yes. She didn't even say anything about her only being 19 like I thought she might. I worried that she would mention her dad, who has gotten really protective lately, or argue or have some excuse that it's too soon. She just threw her arms around me and kissed me and said yes over and over. It is now my favorite word.

She invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner with her parents last month. Ally's mom was in town and her aunt wanted to get everyone together which was interesting. At least no fights broke out or anything, although that might have been fun. Because of that I get Ally on Christmas Eve. We are having dinner with my parents and doing some traditional holiday stuff.

Both of our families have been pretty clingy the last while and they are always trying to do family things way more than they used to. It's different, but not bad. The problem is that I just feel pulled every which way and my time seems more planned out so I can't be as spontaneous as I like. Oh well. At least I know we're loved.

Honestly though, I can't wait to have Ally all to myself. I love our families and Trish and Dez but, ever since I got my memories back and Ally came home, all I want is time with her. Sure, we've been friends for years, but for so long we were unsure of our relationship and how far we could take things without it all falling apart that now that we are together it's all I want. I don't want to lose any more time I could have with her. I hate taking her home after our dates and having to walk away and go home alone. I want to have her next to me every day, to fall asleep wrapped in her arms and watch her wake up in the morning. I want to be the one she comes home to, to know her favorite everything, learn all her quirks and secrets because I'll be with her.

I just want Ally.

. . .

January 20th, 2018

I am a married man and my wife is sexy. I love saying that. No more dreaming necessary because it's reality.

Ally is amazing and we had one of the shortest engagements ever, but she just rolled with it. I don't think she wanted to waste any more time apart either. I love this woman!

We were married on January 15th in a nice simple ceremony on the beach. We didn't make a big deal of it so we just had family and friends there: the people we care about most. Dez was my best man and Trish was the maid of honor. It was perfect having them stand up with us as we made our promises to each other. Word hasn't gotten out to the press yet and maybe it's weird but I love that's it's still like our secret. That won't last but I'll enjoy it while I can. Then I'll flaunt my wife all around the place because Ally Dawson Moon is mine.

We've spent the last 5 days pretty much locked in our house. Yeah. I am a happy man. We both waited for each other, for this moment, and it was worth it. Oh, and I don't know if Ally touched my book or my mom tipped her off, but she has the cutest little black lace nighty. . . you know what I mean. I never told her about those dreams I had about us back in the hospital last year. And now I'm wondering if I saw a glimpse of the future, you know, something to keep me going. I used to think those fantasies were just my imagination or wishful thinking but maybe they were something else. I don't know. That's crazy though, right, seeing the future? But maybe getting that close to death and almost losing everything. . . ?

This afternoon we are catching a flight to Paris for our official honeymoon. I couldn't care less where we go to be honest, but Ally has a thing for France so that's where we're going. She's planned out all this stuff for us to do, all the things she wants to see and whatever. That's cool. I'll go with it because it makes her happy and I'll be with her the whole time which makes me happy. Win win.

. . .

February 1st, 2018

Austin Moon is back! I started all the interviews and publicity stuff for my new record today. It drops next week so I am being interviewed on tv, radio and online stuff almost every day for the next two weeks. After that I have a short tour, just 30 days on the road. If it goes well Jimmy wants to do another short tour at the end of the year. Ally is coming with me of course and will sing a few songs with me during the shows. It should be good. I can't dance quite like I used to, but close enough that no one should notice.

During the morning show I did today they asked about the accident and my recovery and I tried not to make a big deal of it. By now my fans know how I feel about life and taking every moment you have and living to the fullest. I was also asked about my marriage and I got to tell them how amazing my wife is. I've gotten some criticism in the media for marrying so young and there are idiots out there saying that it won't last. They don't know Ally and I, how well we work together, and how much I need her. And I don't care. People can think what they want about us, we know the truth, we know what matters. Twenty, thirty, age doesn't matter when you are with the person who makes you whole.

. . .

July 27th, 2018

I woke up from my coma one year ago today. The year anniversary of my accident happened on tour. Then this morning Ally told me she is pregnant! I can't think of a better way to celebrate being alive.

. . .

July 28th, 2023

K, I suck at this journal thing. I guess I'm just more concerned with living life than documenting it. Ally's written everything down and keeps adding to her small stack of journals. She's the pro at this kind of thing.

It's been six years since the accident. I won't say that it changed my life exactly because it didn't affect my career for long or leave me maimed or whatever. It did help me accelerate my love life though and the last five years being married to Ally have been great. I wouldn't change that for anything. We have a four year old son named Cooper, a two year old daughter named Isabel, and Emma is three months old.

The last song at every one of my concerts is "Do It Without You" and I often bring my family out on stage while I sing it. I don't go anywhere without them and I'm proud of it. Ally still writes my music and sings with me sometimes but she loves being a mom. She's so organized and smart and she's an incredible wife and mother. I don't know how I got so lucky.

Last night I asked Ally if she misses having her own music career and she just kissed me. She told me life is about more than careers and she is happy with where we are and what we are doing. Whenever I travel I take my family with me. Cooper loves the band and is getting into drums, which isn't surprising for a four year old. My biggest fans are at every concert even though they go way past bedtime and sometimes I come back stage to find the four of them asleep in my dressing room. It's cute when Ally is slumped back on the couch with Emma in her arms and Cooper and Isabel tucked into her sides all fast asleep. Just having them there makes everything right.

Now, I'm not trying to be annoying and say that my life is perfect. The house gets messy, pancakes burn when someone is crying, I lose my temper on occasion and Ally worries about how she looks after having three kids. (She's still sexy by the way. That will never change because she's Ally and she's mine.) But that's life. It's the good and the bad and the all the moments in between that make up everything. All that matters is my attitude, and to me, just being alive is a miracle.

. . .

Jan 16th, 2033

We've been cleaning out some things and I rediscovered this journal in a box of books we packed up years ago when we needed to convert our 'office' into another kids room. Wow.

I read through this journal and that was a trip.

Yesterday Ally and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. It's the one night every year when we have the kids stay with grandparents and we go out and stay somewhere for the night, just the two of us. Last night was nice and really needed since Ally's schedule has gotten busy the last 6 months.

We've traded places now. My career has run its course and while I'm still involved in music I am not a teen heart throb anymore. I really don't mind. I had a great time that I wouldn't trade for anything, but life evolves and changes over time. Now I hang out with the kids while Ally gets a second chance at her career and it's going great for her. I am so proud of her. This may sound weird, but I'm enjoying being on the sidelines and cheering her on for once. She's always been there for me, the least I can do is return the favor. Plus, she's incredible and her voice is better than ever. Her songs are deeper, more meaningful now, with all of our experiences and time spent living.

And we have lived. We have 5 children: Cooper, Isabel, Emma, Drew and Luke. Cooper is 14 now and little Luke is just 5 years old. We've traveled all over the country together and been to Mexico and the Caribbean. It's been a blast so far and there is only more fun to come. We are heading to Australia next month. I've always wanted to go there on vacation, not tour, so I could explore and relax and really enjoy myself.

Watching the kids grow up and figure out who they are and what they want to do is incredible. Of course, in our house they are all exposed to music early because it's what Ally and I do, but they aren't expected to follow in our footsteps. It's fun to watch them do other things. Cooper (14) has discovered soccer and girls and seems to love them equally at the moment. He's on the school team and that keeps him busy and out of trouble most of the time. Isabel (12) loves clothes and often begs to go shopping with Aunt Trish and her daughters. Emma (10) is into school and makes me think of a mini Ally who loves science. Drew (7) is in first grade and is obsessed with trucks and playing outside in the sand pit and digging up our garden. It's impossible to keep the kid clean. Luke (5) is still little but he's smart and wants to keep up with his big brother Drew. He tries to count and repeat the letters and words that Drew is learning at school. There's a little competition there, but they get along pretty well most of the time.

Trish is married now and has two daughters. They live nearby and we get together a lot. Her husband is pretty cool, but he's no Dez. I don't think I'll ever have a best friend like that again.

Dez is busy making blockbuster movies so he travels a lot. Technically he still has a house in Miami but he's only here part of the year. The rest of the time he and his supermodel wife are off on location somewhere. They have one little boy named Ethan. He, Drew and Luke are quite the trio when we get together which isn't often enough. But I'm happy for him. He's doing what he loves and is good at it. Can't ask for more than that.

Looking back on my life, thinking about things in this book and everything not in here, it's been good. I wouldn't change anything, not even the accident that almost took me out at 19 years old. It's part of my experience, it shaped a time in my life and affected my opinions and attitudes. I could even say my life would be different today if it hadn't happened. So, even though it sucked to go through, I wouldn't change it or anything else that followed, both good and bad. It's all part of my life and got me to this place with Ally and my kids and I don't want anything else.

Life is an incredible adventure.

. . .

**The End (of this story)**

**So, there you have it friends - that's it for this little journey. I truly hope you liked it. I've appreciated all the great reviews you've sent my way - every single one makes me smile and all the support keeps me writing. Now I'm off to finish my multi-chap Blindsided. Check it out too. I know, I'm shameless ;)**

**The more you review, the better I get and the more stories I write. Please let me know what you think, even if you discover this years after I first posted it, I want to hear what you think! love you guys!**

**weesh**


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